My Puppy is Gross, but I Still Love Him.

For the last couple of weeks I've had this dry patch on my cheek. It's not itchy or anything, it was just really dry. It's not really surprising because Beijing is the Driest Place on Earth. Okay, maybe the Second Driest Place on Earth, next to the Sahara Desert.

Recently, though, this dry patch has expanded into a ring. Or, more specifically, ringworm.

ON MY FACE!

The only explanation is that Puppy liked some poop outside of some animal that has ringworm, and then licked my face. Awesome.

I've been putting some anti-fungal cream on it (we always have some in the house because D gets this weird foot fungus every now and then) and it's getting better. But....

RINGWORM ON MY FACE!

I can't express how grossed out I am by this whole thing and I refuse to go out in public until it's gone.

Manicure = Lifesaver

This last weekend was Chinese New Year's here; so happy year of the Ox to everyone! The Chinese take this holiday pretty seriously, and there have been fireworks going non-stop for almost four days now. When I say fireworks, I don't mean organized displays of fireworks I was used to in Canada, I mean grown men throwing firecrackers into the streets, under cars, at my feet, at the puppy... basically everywhere. In fact, I feel Chinese New Year's should be re-named to Holiday That Let's Grown Men Act Like Children.

I've been feeling pretty down these last couple of weeks and I've been doing some pretty weird things:

1. I've started planning my wedding even though D hasn't proposed yet. I show him pictures of wedding dresses and I discuss dates with him. He sort of smiles and nods but I think this freaks him out. In fact, it freaks ME out, but I can't stop doing it. I look at invitations on etsy.com, I print out styles of wedding dresses I like to show a tailor here. If I knew someone who was doing what I was doing, I would say to myself, "Man, that chick is sad."
2. I bought a puzzle the other day and so far putting those stupid pieces together gives me the most satisfaction I've had in a long time. How crazy is THAT?
3. I obsessively think of moving back to Canada and living alone and not having to deal with someone else's STUFF everywhere.
4. I applied for this job a while ago and it would be a great job and it would mean that D and I could shave 10 years off the mortgage when we get back to Canada. The thing is, I dread getting this job. Part of me doesn't want to get this job because if I do get it, it will make being here permanent.

On the plus side, I've gotten dressed and showered today, and plan to go out and buy Season 2 of Heroes and get a manicure.

Reason # 17 the Guards Think I'm Crazy.

I walk the puppy in my PJs. They're turquoise with yellow teddy bears and white stars on them.

The Joys of Being a Home Owner.

D and I bought a house in August 2007 and we lived there somewhat happily until we moved to China, in August 2008. I say somewhat because living with someone else is always a challenge for me because I'm a control freak who borders on being obsessive-compulsive so living with someone who puts things where they don't belong, who doesn't unpack boxes and seems unphased with leaving big piles of STUFF everywhere is a challenge. Let's just say there were times where I had to shut myself up in the bathroom and hyperventilate a little.

The point I was trying to make was that we lived in that house for a year and nothing happened. By that I mean nothing broke down or exploded or stopped working. The house was perfect, and as far as we knew from the inspection we got when we bought the place, there was nothing wrong with the house.

Since moving out and renting to tenants, the following has happened:

1. The furnace stopped working in December. Apparently the element broke or something.
2. The pipes froze and burst last week, covering the first floor with an inch of water.
3. The heat is not reaching the top floor where the bedrooms are. I find this weird since it worked fine last year.

The tenants are now insisting that we replace the furnace with gas (we have electric) because their bills are too high, and they say it's not working properly. Just typing all this out makes me want to smack them in the face.

First of all, of course their bills are higher because they have THREE KIDS. I mean, they take more showers, baths and run the dishwasher way more than we used to. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a family of five will use more heat and hot water than a couple. Also, we told them when they were viewing the house that we shut the vent in the downstairs TV room so that the heat would reach the bedrooms, and that we used a little space heater when we watched TV down there.

Second of all, the pipes froze and burst because of them. We spoke with the contractor this morning who said the heating vent in the storage area wasn't open (which is has to be in the winter so the pipes don't freeze) and that the tap leading outside wasn't shut off (which it has to be so it doesn't freeze). Both are things we specifically told them to do when we showed them the house, and they are written in the handy little 'Home Binder' I put together for them.

Essentially, they've caused us this problem, and now we have to pay to fix it because they're the tenants, and we're the landlords.

The fact that this is happening when I can feel myself of the verge of falling into a depression REALLY DOESN'T HELP.

And, the puppy wee'ed in the kitchen this morning... and I just can't muster the energy to get dressed or take a shower today and I know that's not good.... and we have dinner plans that I'm already backing out of because I just feel like crawling into bed and ignoring the world today.

This Morning Was All About Making Plans.

So I wrote this huge post about how little information there is online for trailing spouses and then I pressed something and my post disappeared. Lovely. The reason I did this little bit of research today was because I've been feeling pretty low all the time. Not only low, but embarrassed that I haven't done anything productive and that most days, I don't even get dressed.

Out of all the websites I visited, I found only one with information dealing with my problem. Most of the information is for how to set up your own business or portable career crap. That information may be useful to some trailing spouses, but not me. Why? Because I'm not allowed to work, that's why.

The most useful part of the article is the part where it basically says, 'take a shower, get dressed and go take a walk, EVERY DAY'. It's like the author is in my head. So I got dressed but I didn't take a shower because I took one yesterday and it's so freakin' dry in Beijing that if I take a shower everyday my skin will flake off and my hair will split into millions of little pieces. I already use about 20 times more moisturizer than I did in Canada and the stuff you buy here is really crappy so I have to use more of it. I found a Sephora the other day though and I plan to go back to buy some ridiculously expensive moisturizer. It's for my sanity, people.

My plans for today are:

1. Figure out what the hell the problem is with the printer (it prints in red, and only in red)
2. Go to IKEA later today to get a shoe horn for D.

I know, a trip to IKEA for just a shoe horn? The thing is, D is really tall and IKEA makes these long shoe horns that he likes and he broke the last one and so we need a new one. Plus, there's a free bus from the compound that goes today so we don't have to spend money on the taxi there and back. I figure I'll bring a book and get a coffee and read for a bit in the cafeteria there, which is always fun. And it's IKEA. By that I mean that I can't really go in there without buying less than 12 things.

Plans for tomorrow:

1. Manicure.
2. Bring some pictures to get printed so we can send them to D grandma.

General things that need to get done but not right away because it's Chinese New Year and everything will be closed for the next two weeks:

1. Get some prints that we got in Xi'an framed.
2. Send my dad his Christmas present and feel totally guilty about him getting it in February, but feel okay that my dad really doesn't care when he gets his Christmas present.
3. Send a bunch of postcards to friends back home.
4. Try to get D to organize some stuff he's had lying around in boxes since we moved into our house, in August 2007. I say try because I'll say, "Babe, can you please organize that stuff because otherwise I'll stab myself in the face." and he'll say, "Okay, I'll do it." And then he doesn't and we have the same conversation again in two weeks.

Unstructured

My days now are so incredibly unstructured it's insane. I mean, I was used to such a regular day back home; get up, go to work, come home, go out, do groceries, do laundry. But now? Now I don't even get dressed half the time. My mother would be so disgusted with me.

So what do I do? Well, I read. I walk the dog. That's pretty much it. Most of the time I'm too bored to make something to eat.

I really have to get myself out of this funk because I'm starting to get so bored that I want to sleep all day just to make the time pass faster until D gets home. I've been looking into courses on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) but most of them are all taught in Chinese here and that's no use to me. There are several degree programs in Canada and Australia, but those aren't any use to me, either.

I'd love to get a certificate of some kind, something that proves my time here wasn't a complete waste.

Reason # 34 Why the Guards Think I'm Crazy.

This morning while walking the puppy, he lifted his leg for the first time to pee. I jumped up and down and picked him up, saying, "Who's mommy's big boy?!? You are!!"

Control issues, anyone?

Last night D attempted to make dinner. I say attempted because I sort of took control and did everything and then let him fry up some veggies at the very end. Why? I like the vegetable cut a certain way when making veggie fajitas. I like the guacamole made a certain way. I like the tortillas heated up just so.

Anything else is wrong because obviously my way is the right way.

I really am a special kind of crazy...

Loved them both.

Books I finished over the last couple days:

Effigy by Alissa York

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Progress!

128.9

That number up there is what I weighed in at this morning. Usually the number is around 133-134, so for a week of watching what I eat (nothing deep fried, no sweets, no beer) I think that's pretty good. It's definitely an incentive to keep at it.

Maybe if I throw in some light exercise (sit-ups?) it'll keep dropping. In any case, it put a huge smile on my face this morning which was nice because right before waking up I was having this nightmare that I was in labour and D was nowhere to be found and the Chinese doctors wouldn't give me any drugs to take the pain away even though I was begging for them. The labour pains felt real, although it might just have been gas.

Another part of this Quantum Wellness book is about Meditation and Visualisation. I've never really done either before and while meditation makes me feel like a new-age hippie, the visualisation seems to be helping me a lot. I've realized several things about myself:

1. I have a hard time finishing projects. I'm a great starter, though. Lots of enthusiasm in the starting, but not much motivation to finish things. Like the dozens of books I start reading and then stop at about the 3/4 mark. I have about 4 books on my night table in this precise situation.
2. I internalize A LOT. I have monologues with myself about things. When I have problems in my relationships, I write internal letters to those people but never really tell them anything. Like right now, I have a running letter in my head about how annoyed I am that D never cooks me dinner; even though I don't think I've ever asked him directly to cook me dinner. I'm pretty sure this internalisation ended my last long-term relationship and I'm afraid it might end my current one if I don't make changes soon.

So, what to do? Well, for starters;

1. I'm going to finish those damn books.
2. I'm going to ask D to make me dinner.

Baby steps, right?

Starting Fresh

(First gripe about Blogger : It doesn't allow private posts!)

I'm reading Quantum Wellness : A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Health and Happiness by Kathy Freston as part of my New Year's resolution to be a healthier, happier person. Previously, my New Year's resolutions have been to stop biting my nails - something that I've stopped since moving to China (thanks to cheap weekly manicures), so I was at a bit of a loss this year. I figure being a healthier (ie - loosing 15 lbs) and happier (ie - stop thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else) can only be good steps towards being a happy, contented human being.

Being a trailing spouse and not being able to work here had taken a bit of a toll on my self-esteem and I'm sad (and embarrassed) to say that I've spent the first three months in China doing not very much at all. Watching lots of TV series (thanks to access to cheap DVDs), bumming around in my PJs a lot and grocery shopping. The puppy has been a blessing; forcing me to take him outside for walks up to five times a day. Getting out of the house that much has been good for me and my motivation to loose a bit of weight and eat a bit healthier (not so easy here - the Chinese love their deep-fried goodies).

So here's to starting 2009 with a clean slate.

Sick and tired.

(I've tried Wordpress and LiveJournal; neither of which work behind the Great Firewall of China. And so I'm forced back to Blogger, something I thought I could avoid.)

The holidays are over and I'm completely spent. Friends were visiting and we packed in a bunch of cultural stuff; the Forbidden City, a visit to Shanghai, the Terra Cotta Warriors in Xi'an and a little stint back in Beijing for New Year's Eve... and now I feel as if I need to sleep for days to recover. How D is managing at work today, I have no idea.

The puppy is back at home after being with a friend for almost two weeks (she has three boys and two other dogs) and he's having trouble adjusting to us and the quietness of our apartment. This is manifesting itself in him peeing and pooing all over the place; a habit we had broken him of before we dropped him off. D and I spent the better part of last night using up huge quantities of paper towels to clean up after him in between watching Passchendaele and The Break Up. To boot, our friend fed him wet food and now he's refusing to eat the dry food we have. Last night he finally got hungry at 1 a.m. and he howled in his crate until D got up and gave him some food.

Today I've been cleaning out the fridge of mouldy and foul smelling Christmas leftovers and uploading pictures of the past two weeks. The puppy is sleeping on my lap, the only place he won't pee, and I'm siping a coffee. A little bubble of peace after two weeks of chaos.

Man, this post is spastic. I'm just so tired and scatterbrained today.