Normal. Kinda.

Back to Wordpress!

2009-03-27T10:46:00.003+08:00

Ummm.... Wordpress isn't blocked anymore. So I'm back to my old home. If you don't remember it, email me.

Some of my favourite things

2009-03-25T17:16:00.006+08:00

The Body Shop Olive Glossing Shampoo and Conditioner. I can't tell you how happy I was when a friend brought these over from Hong Kong for me. It makes my hair so silky and soft and glossy and gorgeous.

My manicured nails. Sooooo pretttyyyyy.

Kiehl's Ultimate Strength Hand Salve. If it wasn't for this stuff, my hands would feel and look like sandpaper.

My tulip ring. It cost about two dollars at the market, but I love it.

Hendrick's Gin. Nothing makes me feel quite like a lady of leisure than having a gin and tonic at 4 p.m.

2009-03-21T07:38:00.003+08:00

I decided a couple days ago that since I don't have a real job anymore, that I would now have to think of losing weight as a 'job'. Sometimes it's boring and difficult, but ultimately, it's rewarding.

I've also found someone to go swimming with on Mondays and Fridays at the pool at the Club that we have access to here. She used to be a synchronized swimmer, so she knows a bunch of techniques for really losing weight in your mid-section (tummy, bum and thighs) which is what I want. Then on Wednesdays I'm going to have a go at the elliptical machine for 4o minutes.

I love food too much to give any of it up, so I'll have to go the exercise route. That, and no carbs at night. That's a pretty simple change to make and I think it makes a difference.

Still thinking of going home, but no decision yet.

Maybe

2009-03-19T14:41:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking of a lot of things lately. Well, okay, just one thing. Moving back home.

This has all come about because I've been offered a position at my old Department that's a couple levels above where I am now, and it's very, very tempting to take it. I'm not getting any further with jobs here and even if I DO get a job, I'll still have to go back to Canada in a couple years and start from scratch. And then to do it over again a couple years after that. The prospect of always having to fight with other spouses for the few positions there are at post for the rest of my life is really unappealing and frankly; a lot of them are better qualified than me anyways (they have masters or years and years of experience being at post). The only chance I have of ever having an interesting job when we're posted is to move up in my own Department, then transfer laterally to D's department in an interesting position. The thing is, I'll never move up very much when all I have is a couple years back in Canada. So, this is why I've been thinking of moving back this Spring/Summer.

I think I would feel differently if I had a baby; I'm pretty sure I would be grateful for the extra time to spend at home with a child. But the fact is that a baby isn't in the cards for us any time soon and so I feel sort of like I'm stagnating being here. I'm not investing in the early years of my child, I'm not progressing in my career, I'm not pursuing any interesting hobbies like photography or writing because quite frankly, I just don't feel like it. I've never been a person who was 'into' hobbies before I left and I can't just change who I am.

This lifestyle might be really awesome for someone who's very extroverted, likes to wander off alone and explore, who likes to strike up conversations with strangers, who likes to go out all the time. I'm none of those things and so this life, being a trailing spouse, is really difficult for me. I want nothing more these days than the routine of work, the feeling of working towards a goal, and quiet weekends strolling the markets back home.

But then there are days where I have fun here, where I spend the day getting my hair and nails done and I think it's not so bad. There's only so much pampering I can do though, before reality sets in again and I feel blue.

I don't know if going home is the perfect solution, but right now, it's at least something to consider.

So gross, but so good.

2009-03-16T10:11:00.003+08:00

Since being in China, a lot of friends back home ask me if they serve weird things in restaurants. Things like eyeballs (mostly from fish) and dog meat (mostly served in northern China). The answer is yes, yes they do. Aside from the animal parts that would make most Western people squirm, Chinese people also love things with a gelatinous texture; sea cucumbers, jellyfish, chicken feet, and tendon. I'm not really fond of the gelatinous texture myself, although D loves it and will happily devour a plate of jellyfish while I vomit under the table.

However, there is one thing that I've come to love. Something that I never would have touched back in Canada. Chicken knees. Basically, chicken knees deep fried with hot chili peppers is my most favourite thing these days. Since it's cartilage you can't actually eat it; you just sort of chew all the fat off and then spit out the hard cartilage. Gross, right? I totally would have thought so a year ago. But now? Now I have dreams of eating chicken knees.

The smell coming from my kitchen is heavenly.

2009-03-13T08:59:00.004+08:00

This morning I made banana bread and I thought I would share the recipe, since it's awesome.

4 ripe bananas
1 cup sugar
2 cups flour
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup melted butter
1 tbsp Amaretto

Mash bananas with the sugar and then beat with an electric mixer until liquid. Add eggs, vanilla, butter and Amaretto. Add dry ingredients (pre-mixed in another bowl) and mix. The batter will be pretty liquid, which is normal. Pour into a greased loaf pan and bake at 350F for 1 hour (or until a toothpick poked in it comes out clean).

I also add flax seeds, dried cranberries and chocolate chips to the dry ingredients. You could add raisins, or walnuts... or whatever you want really.

Everyone loves this when I make it and I figure it's the Amaretto, which is a secret ingredient that an Italian friend of mine taught me. The rest of the recipe is from me looking at a dozen other recipes and picking and choosing what I think was best. Enjoy!

Buds of May

2009-03-12T10:54:00.004+08:00

I looked out the window this morning and the smog was so thick I couldn't see the building across the road. I think that set the tone for the day because I'm just bummed this morning.

D and I are planning a trip to Thailand for the end of April, which means getting back into a bathing suit which of course means I have to lose 20 pounds and start going to a tanning salon to get rid of this pasty whiteness because even though there are sunny days in Beijing, you never actually tan because the layer of pollution above the city blocks UV rays.

Have you ever been to Thailand? It's full of skinny bronzed people and I'll be damned if I'll be the one who sticks out like a sore thumb.

(There's also the practical reason for building up a good base before going to Thailand: to avoid burning to a crisp.)

The lists are still helping, as is the occasional work I'm getting through D's office (supervising contractors). This morning I obsessively looked at apartment listings for back home, though. It's just one of those days where I don't want to shower or get dressed and just stay in bed all day wondering, "What on earth am I doing here?"

That said, Spring is on its way...

Slowly.

2009-03-09T08:55:00.004+08:00

Things are getting better. Slowly. The lists are helping enormously for reasons that I don't quite understand. But I'm running with it. I make lists for everything and then I get to cross things off; and that makes me feel better. I even write things down that I've already done just so I can have the satisfaction of crossing it off the list. Silly, isn't it?

The shift in the weather is helping as well. It's been sunny and warm (about 10 Celsius I would guess) here for the last couple of days and D and I had a great time wandering around hutongs all weekend. We took the puppy out of the compound for the first time on a nice long walk yesterday and he was so tired all afternoon that he just sprawled himself on the sofa and didn't move. Pretty soon it'll be nice enough to take the bike out again if I feel confident enough to brave the traffic.

List of things to do today:

Download Romy and Michele's High School Reunion and Big Love S03E07.
Go to the cash machine to take money out to pay the ayi.
Find a place for all the magazines people from home are sending us. (We didn't have any magazines for the longest time because you can't buy English magazines here, but now that our families know that we can't get English magazines they keep sending them to us in the post, which is great, but they're just sort of placed haphazardly around the house which, as you may guess, drives me NUTS. So, I need to find a home for them today.)
Figure out what to make for dinner.
Buy more stamps (you piao).

That's about it for today. I still need to get these damn prints framed but I want D to come with me and so far we just keep forgetting at the weekend.

Another day, another struggle to keep busy. Like I said before, it's getting better.

Things I've Done Since D's Been Away

2009-02-25T08:39:00.003+08:00

(It may seem lame, but writing down things I've done kind of motivates me to do more.)

Collected all the business cards lying around the house and organized them into categories, then filed them in a book for business cards. This doesn't seem like much, but Chinese people love to give out business cards, so there were TONS. Also, when we go to a restaurant that we like we grab the card so that we can show the taxi driver if we want to go back because we don't always remember where things are.
Paid the phone bill. We hadn't paid it since we moved in (September), and we don't have a local credit card so I had to go get cash, then go to the administrative offices of the complexwe live in. This was pretty simple and I don't know why I never did this before. They've sat in a pile on the desk with a post-it that says, "To be paid" for the last four months.
Booked a plane ticket to meet up with D in Shanghai for the weekend and organized a place for Puppy to stay. Part of me doesn't want to go because flying somewhere is such a hassle for such a short period of time; but D wanted me to come and a lot of our friends are there for a conference, so there you go. I'm going.
Cleaned out my purse. Ladies, you all know how huge a task this can be.
Wiped all the puppy prints from the floor. This I did only because I can't stand seeing those little puppy prints that happen when the puppy pees, then walks in it, then tracks pee-prints all over the hardwood. Our ayi comes twice a week and she washes the floors, but still - seeing those prints for even a day drives me nuts.
Went and did some grocery shopping. Lately, I can't seem to get out of the house to do this and I don't know why. When we first got here in the summer I used to love going to the market. I don't know if it's the cold, or just my mood, that makes it so hard to do now. In any case, off I went. I even splurged on dill pickles to put on a tuna sandwich. It's so stupid, but a jar of pickles costs almost $15, so it's really hard to justify buying them. I remember telling this to D once and he laughed and said that if I wanted pickled, to just buy the pickles because it's not like we were hurting financially or anything. Still, the cheap French-Canadian side of me is horrified at spending so much for dill pickles. Anyway, I bought them, made a tuna sandwich with pickles, and it was the best lunch I've had in a long time.
Thrown out two boxes that have been lying in the den since we moved here. They were full of D's stuff and in fact, these are boxes that he never managed to unpack from when we bought our house almost two years ago now. So, I cornered him last month and told him to unpack them or I was going to throw them out the window. So, he took everything that was in the boxes and put them in a cupboard. I suppose that's progress. Maybe one day he'll actually go through the stuff in the cupboard and sort it out. Anyway, the empty boxes have been lying in the den and I suppose I haven't thrown them out out of principle. I mean, they were full of his stuff. Whatever. I got sick of looking at them and I threw them out.

I still have a bunch of pictures and artwork that I'd like to get framed, but I don't want to do this without D since he has a pretty critical eye when it comes to that kind of thing and I don't want to get something he won't like.

So, apart from the framing, there's really nothing left to do in the house. Now what on earth am I going to do for the next couple of days? (Apart from watch Season 5 of Project Runway that I bough the other day...)

How do I deal with this?

2009-02-24T08:49:00.004+08:00

The week coming back from London has been a difficult one. I don't know why I thought going away would snap me out of my funk, because in reality it only made it worse. All last week I lounged around in my PJs, showered maybe once or twice, and basically did nothing but sleep. Yes, I was sick, but back home I still would have gone to work. I mean, I wasn't THAT sick.

On Sunday D and I went for brunch and he basically confronted me about being depressed. When I say confronted me about being depressed; it was in a rather complicated and roundabout kind of way. He started off by saying something like, "Well, at least you got dressed and left the house today.", which set me off on something about how what a jerk he was for not proposing back in Canada and how I felt like a fool for being here etc. It went on like that for about two hours while we ate Eggs Benedict.

(One of the benefits to being in China: you can have conversations like that in a restaurant and be fairly certain that no one understands you.)

In the end, he said we have to do something about how I feel and he asked what he could do to help. I cried, and he got teary-eyed, which made me cry more. He asked if I needed a therapist, and I don't know if I want to see one. I'm sure a therapist could help me deal with things, but to me it's pretty simple. I'm dealing with two issues:

The issue about leaving my life and living in a country where I don't understand the language and where I don't work. And,
The issue of D not commiting to me.

So, I feel depressed about Issue 2, which makes me not really able to deal with Issue 1. I think. Perhaps that's an over-simple way of looking at things.

In any case, I made a list of things to do while D is away this week on business, the first of which is doing some grocery shopping... Well, it's a start, right?

The Puppy Who Chews Everything.

2009-02-17T22:52:00.001+08:00

Literally.

Undecided

2009-02-17T11:22:00.001+08:00

I've changed the template, and may change it again in the next couple of days. Why? Well, I feel I need something simpler, and cleaner. Also because it keeps me busy and that's always a good thing these days.

Risen from the Dead

2009-02-16T13:13:00.004+08:00

I'm currently fighting the urge to kick Puppy in the head because he's biting and chewing everything these days. I can't really blame him because all his puppy teeth are falling out and his new teeth are growing in, which I know is probably pretty painful. I've been wondering if it's okay to give him aspirin or something for the pain, but can't find anything about it on the internet so far. So, I've been giving him ice cubes which he happily crunches on. Also, he's in his crate all day because the minute I let him out he knaws on my hand, or foot, or arm, or any appendage of my body that he can sink his teeth into.

Apart from dealing with puppy growing pains, I've been pretty sick since getting back from London. I don't know if it's because I caught something from the kids of the friend I was staying with, or because flying always makes me vulnerable to colds. In any case, yesterday I was barely able to move because my body was so sore. I called D at work at 6 p.m. and begged him to come home and take care of me because I couldn't even get up to make myself food. Pathetic, I know.

I had a fantastic time in London, though. Just to be able to understand what people are talking about around me and to go into a Starbucks and order what I really want (Grande Non-Fat Chai Latte) was totally amazing. I bought many fantastical things from Boots, shoes for D (they don't make his size in China), and some Jo Malone cologne for me. Other than that, I hung out with my friend and her two lovely boys, met up with Bluesoup (who lives, in a weird twist of fate, two minutes away from the friend I was staying with), and wandered around Sainsbury's like a child in a candy store. I would seriously consider living in the darkest, dampest flat in London to be able to shop at Sainsbury's everyday. Seriously.

The down side was that the damp cold literally crippled me. I don't remember feeling so cold in my whole life. I mean, obviously I lived in London for four years so I know how cold it gets, but I just wasn't used to it anymore. I was constantly having to borrow sweaters from my friend because I didn't pack appropriately. Now that I'm back in Beijing, I've noticed the dry air even more keenly. I wake up in the middle of the night with cracked lips, a bloody nose, and a throat so dry I can't even speak - and that's with two humidifiers running.

I picked up a little treasure in Boots that's been a lifesaver for dry skin though. Organic Body Nourishing Body Oil. I slather it on after a shower and it leaves my skin really soft and moisturised, making the need to re-apply lotion again during the day unnecessary. I should have bought 10 bottles of this stuff:

English Bookstore, Here I Come!

2009-02-04T13:20:00.003+08:00

I just booked my tickets. Leaving tomorrow and back on Feb 13th. My heart did a little lurch at the thought of leaving D for a week. It's nice (but very reassuring) to know I still get that feeling after over two years of being together.

Weekend Recap & Other Stuff

2009-02-03T09:10:00.004+08:00

I've had the most jammed-packed weekend I can remember, and here I am, on Tuesday, still recovering. It all started on Friday with drinks with some friends to celebrate a birthday. D and I were supposed to only stay for a couple drinks but ended up staying out all night. At this bar, I met another trailing spouse who ranted at me for hours about how difficult it all was and how it will only get worse for me. She suggested I spend my days drinking and looking at porn on the Internet. Seriously. It's nice to know on some level that someone is having a hard time as well, but it made me better that at least I hadn't sunk that low.

Friday night I also made a rookie mistake. I didn't eat a thing. I know, how could a 28-year-old make such a mistake? It's something an 18-year-old does. In any case I didn't eat at this club because we were supposed to leave to eat at this German restaurant but we ended up not going, and consequently, not eating.

After this club, we went out to another bar and then it's like I was magically transported into Saturday because I have NO MEMORY of what happened at this bar. It's usual for me to have memory blanks of an evening of heavy drinking, but not for the WHOLE NIGHT to be erased. I don't remember being at this place at all (and the Facebook pictures that have been posted prove that I was there and posing for the camera), I have no memory of coming home, or of throwing up for hours upon coming home (something D told me the next day).

This is what I'm starting to call a Bad Beijing Booze Experience (BBBE). A lot of the alcohol here is knock-offs of the real stuff, and there are degrees of how bad it gets, but I've been in a bar here and had one gin and tonic that's had me throwing up all the next day; so it can get pretty bad.

Saturday was a write-off. I spent the day in agony on the sofa drinking Fanta. I think at about 5 p.m. I was ready to eat something and ordered in McDonald's (a perk of being in China - everything is delivered). I couldn't even get up to look after the Puppy, who snuck around under the table and ate the heel off my favourite pair of boots.

Sunday we went to The Westin for their famous Sunday brunch. All-you-can-drink champagne and martinis and all-you-can-eat brunch buffet (includes sushi, caviar, fois gras). This is an epic brunch that you take your time with. We get there at 11, and stay until almost 4 p.m. Afterwards, we went to a friend's house to keep drinking and to play Dance Dance Revolution on the Wii. It was a pretty great day, actually.

D took a day off on Monday and we slept in until noon and then went to the market where I bought a really cute D & G knock-off coat and got my nails done. I told D over lunch that I wanted to go to London for a week to get away; that I needed to get out of China for a bit. He told me to go whenever and to book a flight if I found a good deal. So, I may go next week. I hear London got covered in snow, which is pretty weird but I'm pretty sure it'll be gone by next week. In the whole four years that I lived there I think it only snowed once and even then it was just in the air and didn't stick to the ground at all.

Top 10 things I'm looking forward to doing in London:

Eating at Wagamamas.
Shopping at Boots. I actually had a dream about Boots last night. Yes, most things are manufactured in China and most people think you can get anything here, and that's simply not true. All the things that are made here are exported right away, and the things they sell here are extremely cheap knock-offs. The hand and body lotions and incredibly cheap and smell like dirty lemony dish water. To get the brands that I want I have to go to a luxury mall and pay triple the price because the product has actually been imported from America or Europe, and then a luxury tax has been added to it. So, all that to say I'm looking forward to buying cheap products at Boots that smell nice.
Seeing friends of course!
Not eating Chinese food.
Drinking good beer. The beer here is really cheap, but not great. I'm looking forward to sitting in pubs and drinking a good Guinness that doesn't cost an arm and a leg.
Going to Borders and buying English books. Oh, I miss bookstores possibly more than anything else.
Being away from D. Now, I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that back home we used to spend lots of time apart and I loved it because a) I like my own space, and b) it gave me time to miss him and to look forward to seeing him. Since we've gotten here he's been so over-protective of me that he's hardly done anything without me. It'll be nice to have some time apart so I can miss him a little. Does that make sense?
Getting my hair done by someone who speaks English (I'll need recommendations please!) and going to an esthetician for a good wax by someone who speaks English. I've been in some places here and even though I'm sure they do a good job, there's just something too frightening about getting a Brazilian from someone who doesn't understand a word you're saying.
Speaking English to cab drivers and reading English on signs.
I'm salivating at the thought of getting a jacket potato with cheese and beans at the Shepherdess on City Road.

So, London here I come!

My Puppy is Gross, but I Still Love Him.

2009-01-30T10:01:00.008+08:00

For the last couple of weeks I've had this dry patch on my cheek. It's not itchy or anything, it was just really dry. It's not really surprising because Beijing is the Driest Place on Earth. Okay, maybe the Second Driest Place on Earth, next to the Sahara Desert.

Recently, though, this dry patch has expanded into a ring. Or, more specifically, ringworm.

ON MY FACE!

The only explanation is that Puppy liked some poop outside of some animal that has ringworm, and then licked my face. Awesome.

I've been putting some anti-fungal cream on it (we always have some in the house because D gets this weird foot fungus every now and then) and it's getting better. But....

RINGWORM ON MY FACE!

I can't express how grossed out I am by this whole thing and I refuse to go out in public until it's gone.

Manicure = Lifesaver

2009-01-28T09:05:00.003+08:00

This last weekend was Chinese New Year's here; so happy year of the Ox to everyone! The Chinese take this holiday pretty seriously, and there have been fireworks going non-stop for almost four days now. When I say fireworks, I don't mean organized displays of fireworks I was used to in Canada, I mean grown men throwing firecrackers into the streets, under cars, at my feet, at the puppy... basically everywhere. In fact, I feel Chinese New Year's should be re-named to Holiday That Let's Grown Men Act Like Children.

I've been feeling pretty down these last couple of weeks and I've been doing some pretty weird things:

I've started planning my wedding even though D hasn't proposed yet. I show him pictures of wedding dresses and I discuss dates with him. He sort of smiles and nods but I think this freaks him out. In fact, it freaks ME out, but I can't stop doing it. I look at invitations on etsy.com, I print out styles of wedding dresses I like to show a tailor here. If I knew someone who was doing what I was doing, I would say to myself, "Man, that chick is sad."
I bought a puzzle the other day and so far putting those stupid pieces together gives me the most satisfaction I've had in a long time. How crazy is THAT?
I obsessively think of moving back to Canada and living alone and not having to deal with someone else's STUFF everywhere.
I applied for this job a while ago and it would be a great job and it would mean that D and I could shave 10 years off the mortgage when we get back to Canada. The thing is, I dread getting this job. Part of me doesn't want to get this job because if I do get it, it will make being here permanent.

On the plus side, I've gotten dressed and showered today, and plan to go out and buy Season 2 of Heroes and get a manicure.

Reason # 17 the Guards Think I'm Crazy.

2009-01-23T11:16:00.001+08:00

I walk the puppy in my PJs. They're turquoise with yellow teddy bears and white stars on them.

The Joys of Being a Home Owner.

2009-01-23T09:37:00.004+08:00

D and I bought a house in August 2007 and we lived there somewhat happily until we moved to China, in August 2008. I say somewhat because living with someone else is always a challenge for me because I'm a control freak who borders on being obsessive-compulsive so living with someone who puts things where they don't belong, who doesn't unpack boxes and seems unphased with leaving big piles of STUFF everywhere is a challenge. Let's just say there were times where I had to shut myself up in the bathroom and hyperventilate a little.

The point I was trying to make was that we lived in that house for a year and nothing happened. By that I mean nothing broke down or exploded or stopped working. The house was perfect, and as far as we knew from the inspection we got when we bought the place, there was nothing wrong with the house.

Since moving out and renting to tenants, the following has happened:

The furnace stopped working in December. Apparently the element broke or something.
The pipes froze and burst last week, covering the first floor with an inch of water.
The heat is not reaching the top floor where the bedrooms are. I find this weird since it worked fine last year.

The tenants are now insisting that we replace the furnace with gas (we have electric) because their bills are too high, and they say it's not working properly. Just typing all this out makes me want to smack them in the face.

First of all, of course their bills are higher because they have THREE KIDS. I mean, they take more showers, baths and run the dishwasher way more than we used to. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a family of five will use more heat and hot water than a couple. Also, we told them when they were viewing the house that we shut the vent in the downstairs TV room so that the heat would reach the bedrooms, and that we used a little space heater when we watched TV down there.

Second of all, the pipes froze and burst because of them. We spoke with the contractor this morning who said the heating vent in the storage area wasn't open (which is has to be in the winter so the pipes don't freeze) and that the tap leading outside wasn't shut off (which it has to be so it doesn't freeze). Both are things we specifically told them to do when we showed them the house, and they are written in the handy little 'Home Binder' I put together for them.

Essentially, they've caused us this problem, and now we have to pay to fix it because they're the tenants, and we're the landlords.

The fact that this is happening when I can feel myself of the verge of falling into a depression REALLY DOESN'T HELP.

And, the puppy wee'ed in the kitchen this morning... and I just can't muster the energy to get dressed or take a shower today and I know that's not good.... and we have dinner plans that I'm already backing out of because I just feel like crawling into bed and ignoring the world today.

This Morning Was All About Making Plans.

2009-01-22T09:25:00.007+08:00

So I wrote this huge post about how little information there is online for trailing spouses and then I pressed something and my post disappeared. Lovely. The reason I did this little bit of research today was because I've been feeling pretty low all the time. Not only low, but embarrassed that I haven't done anything productive and that most days, I don't even get dressed.

Out of all the websites I visited, I found only one with information dealing with my problem. Most of the information is for how to set up your own business or portable career crap. That information may be useful to some trailing spouses, but not me. Why? Because I'm not allowed to work, that's why.

The most useful part of the article is the part where it basically says, 'take a shower, get dressed and go take a walk, EVERY DAY'. It's like the author is in my head. So I got dressed but I didn't take a shower because I took one yesterday and it's so freakin' dry in Beijing that if I take a shower everyday my skin will flake off and my hair will split into millions of little pieces. I already use about 20 times more moisturizer than I did in Canada and the stuff you buy here is really crappy so I have to use more of it. I found a Sephora the other day though and I plan to go back to buy some ridiculously expensive moisturizer. It's for my sanity, people.

My plans for today are:

Figure out what the hell the problem is with the printer (it prints in red, and only in red)
Go to IKEA later today to get a shoe horn for D.

I know, a trip to IKEA for just a shoe horn? The thing is, D is really tall and IKEA makes these long shoe horns that he likes and he broke the last one and so we need a new one. Plus, there's a free bus from the compound that goes today so we don't have to spend money on the taxi there and back. I figure I'll bring a book and get a coffee and read for a bit in the cafeteria there, which is always fun. And it's IKEA. By that I mean that I can't really go in there without buying less than 12 things.

Plans for tomorrow:

Manicure.
Bring some pictures to get printed so we can send them to D grandma.

General things that need to get done but not right away because it's Chinese New Year and everything will be closed for the next two weeks:

Get some prints that we got in Xi'an framed.
Send my dad his Christmas present and feel totally guilty about him getting it in February, but feel okay that my dad really doesn't care when he gets his Christmas present.
Send a bunch of postcards to friends back home.
Try to get D to organize some stuff he's had lying around in boxes since we moved into our house, in August 2007. I say try because I'll say, "Babe, can you please organize that stuff because otherwise I'll stab myself in the face." and he'll say, "Okay, I'll do it." And then he doesn't and we have the same conversation again in two weeks.

Unstructured

2009-01-21T11:11:00.002+08:00

My days now are so incredibly unstructured it's insane. I mean, I was used to such a regular day back home; get up, go to work, come home, go out, do groceries, do laundry. But now? Now I don't even get dressed half the time. My mother would be so disgusted with me.

So what do I do? Well, I read. I walk the dog. That's pretty much it. Most of the time I'm too bored to make something to eat.

I really have to get myself out of this funk because I'm starting to get so bored that I want to sleep all day just to make the time pass faster until D gets home. I've been looking into courses on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) but most of them are all taught in Chinese here and that's no use to me. There are several degree programs in Canada and Australia, but those aren't any use to me, either.

I'd love to get a certificate of some kind, something that proves my time here wasn't a complete waste.

Reason # 34 Why the Guards Think I'm Crazy.

2009-01-19T13:13:00.004+08:00

This morning while walking the puppy, he lifted his leg for the first time to pee. I jumped up and down and picked him up, saying, "Who's mommy's big boy?!? You are!!"

Control issues, anyone?

2009-01-14T09:28:00.003+08:00

Last night D attempted to make dinner. I say attempted because I sort of took control and did everything and then let him fry up some veggies at the very end. Why? I like the vegetable cut a certain way when making veggie fajitas. I like the guacamole made a certain way. I like the tortillas heated up just so.

Anything else is wrong because obviously my way is the right way.

I really am a special kind of crazy...

Loved them both.

2009-01-12T10:10:00.004+08:00

Books I finished over the last couple days:

Effigy by Alissa York

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Progress!

128.9

2009-01-09T09:06:00.003+08:00

That number up there is what I weighed in at this morning. Usually the number is around 133-134, so for a week of watching what I eat (nothing deep fried, no sweets, no beer) I think that's pretty good. It's definitely an incentive to keep at it.

Maybe if I throw in some light exercise (sit-ups?) it'll keep dropping. In any case, it put a huge smile on my face this morning which was nice because right before waking up I was having this nightmare that I was in labour and D was nowhere to be found and the Chinese doctors wouldn't give me any drugs to take the pain away even though I was begging for them. The labour pains felt real, although it might just have been gas.

Another part of this Quantum Wellness book is about Meditation and Visualisation. I've never really done either before and while meditation makes me feel like a new-age hippie, the visualisation seems to be helping me a lot. I've realized several things about myself:

I have a hard time finishing projects. I'm a great starter, though. Lots of enthusiasm in the starting, but not much motivation to finish things. Like the dozens of books I start reading and then stop at about the 3/4 mark. I have about 4 books on my night table in this precise situation.
I internalize A LOT. I have monologues with myself about things. When I have problems in my relationships, I write internal letters to those people but never really tell them anything. Like right now, I have a running letter in my head about how annoyed I am that D never cooks me dinner; even though I don't think I've ever asked him directly to cook me dinner. I'm pretty sure this internalisation ended my last long-term relationship and I'm afraid it might end my current one if I don't make changes soon.

So, what to do? Well, for starters;

I'm going to finish those damn books.
I'm going to ask D to make me dinner.

Baby steps, right?

Starting Fresh

2009-01-06T09:43:00.003+08:00

(First gripe about Blogger : It doesn't allow private posts!)

I'm reading Quantum Wellness : A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Health and Happiness by Kathy Freston as part of my New Year's resolution to be a healthier, happier person. Previously, my New Year's resolutions have been to stop biting my nails - something that I've stopped since moving to China (thanks to cheap weekly manicures), so I was at a bit of a loss this year. I figure being a healthier (ie - loosing 15 lbs) and happier (ie - stop thinking that the grass is greener somewhere else) can only be good steps towards being a happy, contented human being.

Being a trailing spouse and not being able to work here had taken a bit of a toll on my self-esteem and I'm sad (and embarrassed) to say that I've spent the first three months in China doing not very much at all. Watching lots of TV series (thanks to access to cheap DVDs), bumming around in my PJs a lot and grocery shopping. The puppy has been a blessing; forcing me to take him outside for walks up to five times a day. Getting out of the house that much has been good for me and my motivation to loose a bit of weight and eat a bit healthier (not so easy here - the Chinese love their deep-fried goodies).

So here's to starting 2009 with a clean slate.

Sick and tired.

2009-01-05T12:09:00.005+08:00

(I've tried Wordpress and LiveJournal; neither of which work behind the Great Firewall of China. And so I'm forced back to Blogger, something I thought I could avoid.)

The holidays are over and I'm completely spent. Friends were visiting and we packed in a bunch of cultural stuff; the Forbidden City, a visit to Shanghai, the Terra Cotta Warriors in Xi'an and a little stint back in Beijing for New Year's Eve... and now I feel as if I need to sleep for days to recover. How D is managing at work today, I have no idea.

The puppy is back at home after being with a friend for almost two weeks (she has three boys and two other dogs) and he's having trouble adjusting to us and the quietness of our apartment. This is manifesting itself in him peeing and pooing all over the place; a habit we had broken him of before we dropped him off. D and I spent the better part of last night using up huge quantities of paper towels to clean up after him in between watching Passchendaele and The Break Up. To boot, our friend fed him wet food and now he's refusing to eat the dry food we have. Last night he finally got hungry at 1 a.m. and he howled in his crate until D got up and gave him some food.

Today I've been cleaning out the fridge of mouldy and foul smelling Christmas leftovers and uploading pictures of the past two weeks. The puppy is sleeping on my lap, the only place he won't pee, and I'm siping a coffee. A little bubble of peace after two weeks of chaos.

Man, this post is spastic. I'm just so tired and scatterbrained today.

Baby Steps

2008-10-13T10:44:00.000+08:00

Last week I had Chinese lessons every day from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. This was pretty intense because it was one-on-one so there wasn't the distraction of other students. Despite the difficulty of learning Chinese (and this is the first language I've ever had to learn), I went from not knowing much, to knowing a little. I'm now comfortable enough to get into a taxi and tell the driver where I want to go and how to get there. Conversations around me have stopped sounding like a buzz that I usually just tune out and now sounds more like, "blablablablablablabla three blablablablabla went blablablablablabla friend blablablablabla there."

I suppose that's progress.

Just a Little Annoyed

2008-10-09T11:04:00.000+08:00

I've been living out of a suitcase since mid-August. Let me tell you how much I love that. I LOVE IT NOT AT ALL.

The Little Things

2008-10-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I found fresh thyme. It seems like such a small thing to celebrate, but I did a little happy dance regardless. Of course, it was in a specialty shop (for expats/foreigners) because the Chinese don't use thyme at all so it's not in any of the local markets. But me? I can't cook without fresh thyme. The price was just under a dollar for a bunch twice as big as what you would get in Canada. This is still China, after all.

In any case, yesterday I had a little culinary victory with my thyme; which was pretty much the highlight of my day. That sounds kind of pathetic, but after being beaten down my Chinese teacher all morning, finding thyme seemed like a really great thing.