The week coming back from London has been a difficult one. I don't know why I thought going away would snap me out of my funk, because in reality it only made it worse. All last week I lounged around in my PJs, showered maybe once or twice, and basically did nothing but sleep. Yes, I was sick, but back home I still would have gone to work. I mean, I wasn't THAT sick.
On Sunday D and I went for brunch and he basically confronted me about being depressed. When I say confronted me about being depressed; it was in a rather complicated and roundabout kind of way. He started off by saying something like, "Well, at least you got dressed and left the house today.", which set me off on something about how what a jerk he was for not proposing back in Canada and how I felt like a fool for being here etc. It went on like that for about two hours while we ate Eggs Benedict.
(One of the benefits to being in China: you can have conversations like that in a restaurant and be fairly certain that no one understands you.)
In the end, he said we have to do something about how I feel and he asked what he could do to help. I cried, and he got teary-eyed, which made me cry more. He asked if I needed a therapist, and I don't know if I want to see one. I'm sure a therapist could help me deal with things, but to me it's pretty simple. I'm dealing with two issues:
- The issue about leaving my life and living in a country where I don't understand the language and where I don't work. And,
- The issue of D not commiting to me.
In any case, I made a list of things to do while D is away this week on business, the first of which is doing some grocery shopping... Well, it's a start, right?
4 Responses to "How do I deal with this?"
So what does he say when you tell him it stems from the fact that he won't commit? Does he say anything? Does he feel guilty? Or is it just a case of 'oh right well there's nothing going to be done about that so get on with it'?
This man STILL needs to grow up and realise what you're doing for him.
I don't know. He keep repeating teh same thing, which is that he doesn't want to marry me because it seems that I just want to get married, not to be married to HIM. I told him he needs to get over that, and he agrees. I suppose it's hard. I feel cheated and taken advantage of, he feels pressured and like I'm just with him to get married. He even said that I at one point he thought I just wanted to get married so I could legally have half of his stuff (house, savings etc.).
I just don't know where to go from here, to be honest.
Personally, I think being cheated and taken advantage of is worse than a bit of pressure. You said to him before you moved that you only wanted to do it if you were engaged (which I think is fair enough considering everything you've given up) but yet he's just got what he wanted and now whinges about it.
How would he feel if you moved home and said to contact you when he's 'ready'...is that little enough pressure for him!?
Personally, I think being cheated and taken advantage of is worse than a bit of pressure. You said to him before you moved that you only wanted to do it if you were engaged (which I think is fair enough considering everything you've given up) but yet he's just got what he wanted and now whinges about it.
How would he feel if you moved home and said to contact you when he's 'ready'...is that little enough pressure for him!?
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